Renew

There is nowhere I could go with this self doubt wave that has hit me for the past few days. I am going to renew myself. To learn to throw away the things that have been holding me back. I need to strive harder. Perceiving the thought that I haven't give in enough kicked me straight into reality. This is just how the world works. It's just a matter of moving on or you'll stay wherever you're standing now years ahead and watch people you know achieve what they have been looking for. I don't want to be pitied for being in the same level and not gaining anything. This is the turning point of my life. I need to make it works the right way.

foundation studies

It’s been quite a long time since i posted my last entry. It’s been almost one month, wait i think it’s already one month since i enrolled myself at pasum. To begin with, life here is...ermm. It’s not that bad but my schedule is packed though. I’m still trying to conform to the new milieu. Talk about class, I got a place in the top group following the result of our English placement test before. I keep telling myself that it wasn't all about the English test. Surely they won’t just split us into group based on that test ONLY. Do they? Well I feel like the stupidest in the group regardless how good my result turned out to be. I mean those boys and girls in my group own amazingly superb background in academic. Not that I don’t but I feel defeated in many ways. My confident level was dragged to the bottom line. I know I shouldn't give in to this kind of emotion. Nonetheless I just can’t ignore it. I regretted taking the test seriously.  Frankly speaking, I don’t like being in that circle. It drives me crazy thinking about how I am going to survive to the top among the top students. I don’t want to be left behind. I need to use every will to be on top because even when I fall, it will only be a few steps behind. Stress has taken it tolls on me. I am only hoping that everything will be just smooth and fine and I can live my gaily life like I used to before. Deep inside, i know that i can do this. i can survive. because that is what I've been doing all along for the past few years. only this time it's going to be harder. oh god i sound like katniss the girl from the hunger games book when she's chosen to be in the arena. Lol.